Happy Second Birthday, Katya

Happy happy birthday to my baby, Katy!

Your first trip around the sun with us was wonderful and our journey as a family of four gets better as the days pass.

It’s been two years of raising you my little cub and your heart is as pure as your smile. I’m thankful for your gentleness and the softer aspects of your personality, but I love to hear you roar. The way you bring joy to those around you and try to keep a smile on their faces, both a blessing and a curse.

My princess, you taught me age doesn’t define how kind or compassionate an individual can be, that no matter how chaotic, new, and fun, a toddlers world is, they will stop to hug someone and acknowledge their emotions, to help, or make them laugh. I never imagined my toddler would be teaching me how to be gentler and embrace my emotions. That she would teach me kindness and patience.

All aspects of my life have been different with your arrival, I knew from the moment I held you in my arms that you will be the reason I fall apart —- and come together again. You have been pushing me to conquer my fears in motherhood and go for it, teaching me that I don’t need books or commentary from the peanut gallery but to trust my instincts and parent from within. I was so fearful with every decision I made when it came to your sister, but I’ve learned to trust myself the second time around.

Maybe that’s why I hold you close, I’m afraid the world will hurt you.

You are twenty four months old now and we have yet to part for more than a few hours. You’re always by my side and I can’t wait to tease you about it when you’re older, how you cuddle me in my sleep and would get angry if I moved away — how you’re always latched on when you’re happy, hungry, or sad. Or how you scream “mama” at the top of your lungs, only to give me a kiss and laugh about it. I adore the way you enjoy your meals, and play dress up all day, and how you cuddle up to me at the end of a long day, it’s the little things that make your mama happy.

You and your sister are polar opposites and it brings me joy to watch you interact and react to each other, the way you learn from one another, and your sisterly bond that continues to grow.

Things may change this year as your heading into new developmental territory, you may choose to be more independent and explore without me, you may wean from breastfeeding, potty train, and learn how to ride a bike, you’ll probably stop eating all of your current favorite foods and resort to a diet of all things brown: chicken nuggets, fries, and corn dogs. Although, I hope not.

Forgive me, but I’m anxious. You’re mamas little sunshine and you always will be, but the years are short and I am trying to soak it all in before your baby features fade. We never know when the last time we hold you will be, the last diaper we change, the last onesie you wear, the last time I help you get dressed. These things may seem trivial but they mean more to your parents than you’ll ever know.

As I lay here with you on my arm, far away in dreamland, I will continue to be grateful that you chose me to be your mama.

Love,

Mama bear

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