Dear New Mom, Stop Trying To Please Everyone

Dear New Mom,

Life has changed drastically, hasn’t it? I remember in middle and high school my friends were my world. It wasn’t different in college. My biggest concerns were what bar we were going to next and if my dress was sexy enough. I wouldn’t say I had a fear of missing out but I was always in on the action.

I’m now 24 and my life as well as my friends, has changed drastically. This is the time where we discover who we are and really make our place in the world. A few of my friends graduated, got their degrees and found jobs. Some are backpacking across Europe and sending me pictures of the new places they’ve visited and the mountains they’ve climbed. Then there’s the friends like myself. We found love, we got married and settled down.

I’ve been a mother for six months now. This has been the biggest life change I’ve ever experienced.

My priorities have changed and what I used to think was important, isn’t so important now. Our lives are busier than ever. We’re constantly running errands, taking care of tiny humans, our husbands and ourselves. All without losing our sanity. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, the struggle is real.

There aren’t enough hours in the day anymore and spare time is rare. You don’t want to spend that time with people who have negative vibes and aren’t good for you. Wouldn’t you rather spend that time with your husband? Unwinding with a glass of wine? Finally taking a long shower and washing off all of the poo, sweat, and tears from an extremely long day? Or staring at your beautiful baby, peacefully sleeping, and reminding yourself why you’re doing all of this?

“You owe these people nothing and shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”

However, we don’t do that. We as women want to make everyone happy.

You’re getting multiple text messages from that one friend who is always fake nice. The friend who’s never there for you although you’re always there for her. The friend who ignores your messages but posts on Facebook. The single friend who’s upset you don’t have free time to get drunk with her anymore. Or the friend who’s mad at you because your priorities changed and you’re spending more time with your husband and kids than you are with them. You owe these people nothing and shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Stop cleaning your house because you’re afraid someone is going to judge you, stop stressing out if someone is going to be mad you didn’t cook for them when they came over. Stop worrying that someone is going to hate you because you canceled plans with them because your baby was sick and needed you.

Just stop it! Stop it! Stop wasting your time with these crappy friends!!

These people aren’t your friends. Yes, you follow each other on Instagram and you saw what they had for dinner last night. You saw the pictures of her new dress and what her kids made at school, but that doesn’t mean you’re friends anymore. Facebook friends, yeah? But life is too short for crappy friendships like these.

As women and as moms, we want to make everyone happy. We get caught up in taking care of our kids, our husbands, our homes, that we forget to take care of ourselves. You don’t need these types of friendships in your lives and you need to let it go. Life is too short, so spend it with the ones that you love. Your real friends won’t mind that you take a few days to text back, or that you can’t go out because you’d rather take a nap. Those aren’t just friends, they are family. I’m glad I found mine. Those are the ones that come over just to say hi and bring snacks for your kids, those are the ones you laugh and cry with. The ones you can trust and the ones who you’ve grown with. Your family. Your hubby. Your babies. Your best friends. Make time for those people, they matter the most.

It’s going to be hard finding a balance. I’m six months in and still struggle. However, it’s okay to let go of those toxic friendships and keep those best friends close. Those are the ones who want better for you, those are the ones who actually care about you. Stop stressing yourself out over people who don’t matter.

Love,

A mama who’s releasing all the negativity out of her life!